not my mess, but close enough.
I am feeling very un-zen right now.
Finally, the one thing that I can’t complain about is my love life. I’m completely in love for the first time in ten years, and it’s amazing. But it feels like a lot of other things in my life could use a little improving, and I can always tell when my head is in a messy place when my apartment looks like the photo above.
When I take a quick visual inventory of the things in my studio apartment (side note: my landlord just increased my rent, so this is another motivator), dollar signs start flashing when I notice that I spent $20 on a pair of cute platform espadrille wedges that I haven’t worn, or $10 on an IKEA table that I hate, or the hundreds of dollars worth of vinyl records that I purchased in the early 2000s. I have a trunk of CDs and VHS tapes under my coffee table. All of these material things are taking up space, making me feel guilty for being frivolous with my money, especially during a time where finances need to be tightened in order for Jules (my boyfriend) and I to start making some steps forward towards our future. I have books and magazines all over, clothes spilling out of my closet, and a general collection of stuff that I probably haven’t touched in years. I’m probably one box full shy away from becoming a full-fledged hoarder, and that is just NOT healthy. I am long overdue for a purge – perhaps I can score some cash by selling my excess stuff on Craigslist, Half.com, and Crossroads Trading Co.?
All this meditation on “re-inventorying” makes me stop and wonder, what else in my life do I need to purge and let go of? What lifestyle choices do I need to re-evaluate in order to get to the things that I ultimately want? Am I using everything I have to move towards or away from my goals?
It’s a lot to take in at once, and I find myself feeling bad about the decisions that I’ve made in the past and where they have landed me now. But as Jules likes to always remind me, you can’t change the past so there’s no use getting upset over it. (I am so lucky to have someone remind me on a regular basis.) Maybe I can enlist his help this weekend in cleaning out the place, and then drag him to yoga with me. Haha.
Anyone need some side tables?