a space for pondering: sundays at green gulch (marin county, ca)

August 29, 2010 at 8:44 pm (life, meditation, practice, travel)

Part of the garden at Green Gulch

A few weeks ago,   I was going through an internal crisis and trying to prevent myself from wallowing in misery, so I asked my friends where they go when they need to escape from it all and just think.  One of my friends mentioned the Sunday morning program at the SF Zen Center’s Green Gulch Farm at Muir Beach, and when I looked at the website, I was quite curious. I grew up in a devoutly Christian family, and wasn’t exactly sure how I felt about hanging out at a Buddhist temple on a Sunday morning, but I figured that meditation and praying (regardless of who you’re praying to) can happen just about anywhere.

Enlisting the aid of  Tessa, one of my yogini girlfriends who had gone before, we got a bright and early start on Sunday morning and crossed over the Golden Gate towards our quest for enlightenment.  We arrived quite early and took some time to walk around the gardens.  There are many spaces to sit and relax in the garden, as well as beautifully manicured trees and flowers.  At 8:15 am, we were lead into the Green Dragon Temple and given a brief introduction to zazen (meditation practice).  We sat on cushions, facing the wall, and did a ten minute meditation, then had a break before the actual public meditation session was to begin.

The public meditation session was quite full.  Meditation and stillness has never been easy for me -  I have a serious tendency to look around and people-watch, but selecting a seat that gave me only a view of the white wall was exactly what I needed to knock myself into concentration mode.  I find that ten minutes is just about the limit of my ability to be still – then I start noticing that my foot is numb, or that I’m actually freezing cold (just a tip: wear socks and layer up, as the temple tends to be freezing cold at 9am), or that the person next to me has a stomach that is rumbling loudly.  The meditation lasts for maybe 30-40 minutes total, but it felt longer.  (Side note:  I realized that sometimes when your mind keeps drifting back to a specific subject even though you’re trying not to think about  it, the best way to clear it is to just deal with it head on and meditate on it until it dissipates.  I got 30 minutes or so of thinking about the one person who I was trying not to think about, but I feel good about it now.)

After the mediation session, the temple quickly filled up with people arriving for the Dharma lecture, so Tessa and I stayed on our cushions instead of leaving for a break.  Every Sunday at 10:15am, they bring in a speaker who talks about a subject relating to Zen practice, or life in general.  They don’t really put the subject of the Dharma talk on the website, but today’s topic (touching upon realizing our own remarkableness) was uplifting and helped me to feel a little less off-kilter, and a little more amazed.  (We all need reminding now and then.)

Once the Dharma talk is over, everyone is invited to stay for tea and muffins ($1 donation) and check out the produce for sale (all organic).  You can even stay for lunch (vegetarian, $8-10 donation).  Tessa and I stayed to sip our English Breakfast tea and enjoy the muffins (which were delicious) and stand around in the sun.  The entire experience is very special, as you can get a lot out of it if you’re open to it.  I highly recommend it to anyone seeking a new and relaxing experience, and I will most definitely be back again very soon.

Sunday Morning Program at SF Zen Center Green Gulch Farm – $5-10 donation for meditation session, $8-10 donation for vegetarian lunch.  Open to the public.  Located at 1601 Shoreline Highway, Muir Beach.

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exploring aparigraha (aka cheating on my yoga class)

August 19, 2010 at 7:30 am (classes, meditation, practice, struggle, yoga)

To paraphrase Sandy in “Grease”, I am hopelessly devoted… to my yoga regime.  That sounds like a good thing (and it is, for the most part), I admit I don’t really branch out beyond my usual yoga classes, and I wonder if that is inhibiting my growth as a yoga student (actually, I’m pretty sure it is).  For example, I’m so regular with my yoga schedule, if someone were to try and stalk me, you’d know that I am at teacher A’s class on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and teacher B’s on Mondays and Wednesdays, and if I’m taking a Sunday yoga class, I’m at teacher C’s class.  (I even have my “regular” class that I go to when teacher A isn’t available.)  I’m quite attached to my routine.  And with attachment -  so goes the Buddhist philosophy – comes suffering.  The fifth yamas  described in the Yoga Sutras is “Aparigraha” (अपरिग्रह), which can be translated as “non-attachment” – essential for developing a healthy mind and body.

Yeah.  Apparently this attachment thing is a big deal.

It’s really easy to get attached to your favorite teachers/classes/studios -  even a particular style of yoga.  For the past couple of years, I’ve done classes at several different studios, but they all taught a similar style – vinyasa flow, at a medium to fast pace, working up a real sweat.  When faced with a class that requires you to hold poses for a longer amount of time, my body goes, “Huh?”.  It’s even difficult for me to relax in a Restorative Yoga class because it’s just not what I’m used to.  I have had teachers who come from different backgrounds (Jivamukti, Kundalini, Anusara), but I always go back to the same style, and more recently, the same teachers.  It’s kind of a yoga rut – one that I love, but a rut none the less.

The solution to my rut came to me out of nowhere.  The other evening, a girlfriend of mine called me out of the blue to join her for a class at aha, since she is using her “Passport To Prana” card to check out studios around town (see info below).  I’m a little late to the PTP party, but I just bought one.  Not only is it a great deal, but I think it might do me some good to free myself from being handcuffed attached to my “home studio”.  Plus, whenever you deviate from your routine, you open yourself up to learning something new, meeting new people, and finding yourself experiencing something different than “the usual”.  In reference to my last post about the road less travelled, the idea of changing teachers or styles every once in a while can be a challenge in itself, and challenge brings progress, right?  As I did when I was in dance school, I’m going to be varying my study so that I become  more well-rounded… and can hopefully learn more about myself, what resonates with me, and what else is out there waiting to teach me something!

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the yoga road less travelled.

August 16, 2010 at 9:58 am (meditation, practice, struggle, yoga)

The Road Not Taken
By Robert Frost


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Oh, how I love this poem.  I haven’t thought of it in years, but it flashed in my mind during yoga practice the other day.  (Funny, right?  I mean, who thinks of high school required reading material while sitting in Sukhasana?)

The reason was because of a moment of indecision I had as to which leg to put in front during our cross-legged meditational seat.  Not a momumental decision by any means, but an important one, as I would be sitting in that position for a few minutes and really shouldn’t try to switch positions in the middle of what should be an exercise in stillness.  I am undeniably left-legged, and you can see the imbalance in flexibility when I’m sitting in Baddha Konasana.  Having my left leg in front would be the easiest way to sit, no doubt.  Then, my little inner Yogi kicked in and said, “This is not about easy.  It’s about growing.  Choose the harder one, silly!”

It is a timeless, and true, concept – growth is born from struggle.  There are Chinese Proverbs that say “Crisis + Struggle = Growth”.  Any living being needs to be challenged in order to progress, otherwise we’re just chillaxing on a plateau and stagnating.  Except for restorative yoga, I don’t expect my practice to be easy – and really, what would be the point of that?  As with many things I think about during yoga practice, I think this can be applied to any situation in life – taking the road less travelled, if you will.  Scary?  A little.  Troublesome?  Possibly.  Exciting opportunity for experience?  Definitely.

So I chose the right leg.  And sat in tolerable discomfort for about five minutes.  The more I do it, the less it bothers me, and really, I’m just trying to correct the imbalances in my body.  It’s not necessarily about pushing through the pain, either.  If it hurts, you should not do it.  If it’s just a twinge of discomfort, breathe through it.  As one of my teachers says, we should relish the moment when it’s uncomfortable – that’s your Yoga.

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the eyes have it.

April 14, 2010 at 6:25 am (meditation, practice, struggle, yoga)

We’re a very visual society – we love to look at things, we’re easily distracted by brilliant, shiny, colorful images and captivated by things that move.  We take cues from other people’s actions.  And our very being is affected by the things we see and how we react to them.  I notice this most during the first five minutes of yoga class, when we’re supposed to be sitting still with our eyes closed.  I still have a hard time ignoring people that walk by my mat while I’m sitting, or when the door opens while someone creeps into class late.  I will crack my eyes open just a bit and look.  And even worse, I’m always tempted to check myself out in the mirror, even when I’m sitting motionless (I blame 15 years of ballet class in studios filled with mirrors for this hard-to-break habit).

When I’m seated, my wandering eyes disrupt my meditation.  First, the eyes go…then the thoughts follow.  I start going through a laundry list of things in my head (and then have to struggle to push these thoughts out!).  When we’re doing standing poses, the distraction of a broken gaze is even more obvious – the second I take my eyes off my focal point, I will inevitably lose my balance.  Where the eyes go, the attention follows.  And when you are able to focus your gaze (and then, your thoughts), you are using the yogic technique of  drishti.   

In Samastitihi (Equal Standing pose), your drishti should be at your middle fingertips.  In Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward-Facing Dog), we use Nabi Chakra Drishti, and gaze at our navel.  In Virabhadrasana I (Warrior Pose I), we use Urdhva Drishti, gazing up to infinity. In every asana, the prescribed drishti assists concentration, aids movement, and helps orient the pranic (energetic) body.  

Please bear in mind, you should never force yourself to gaze in a way that strains you. In many seated forward bends, for example, the gazing point may be the big toes. But many practitioners, at certain stages in their development, might resort to crunching the back of their neck to achieve this gaze. Rather than forcing the gaze prematurely, you should allow it to develop naturally over time, and to a degree that suits you.  

Like anything else, using drishti will come naturally with practice.  Add this technique to your yoga practice during your next class and see if it helps make a difference in your ability to focus.  When I’m standing in Samastitihi, staring at the tips of my middle fingers, I’m able to pull everything together – my focus, my breath, my thoughts.  For those moments, I’m absolutely present, which is the exact opposite of my usual day, spent multi-tasking.  When I’m in Dancer’s Pose, with my gaze fixed in the mirror, I’m finally learning not to check out my outfit, or focus too long on my alignment (use your own kinesthetic awareness instead) – I keep a steady eye on a spot that helps me stay upright and balanced.  It’s pretty awesome…try it!

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the possibilities are endless.

March 25, 2010 at 8:58 pm (asana, meditation, Products, struggle, yoga)

 

photo courtesy of odysseyfx via Flickr

If you’ve been following my blog, you know it’s been kind of a rough past couple of posts.  I’ve hoped that a regular yoga practice would make me magically impervious to the effects of stress, but yoga isn’t exactly magical like that.  So, imagine my surprise, in the midst of my Thursday evening yoga class, when I felt this amazing burst of joy from an asana?

My teacher this evening, Rhiannon Fink (amazing, amazing teacher), had us do this transition from Ustrasana (Camel Pose) into Urdhva Dhanurasana (Full Wheel).  Totally scary, to reach back and trust that the floor is there, your hands will ground themselves, and you won’t end up smashing your face into the ground.  Rhiannion has this fantastic way of bringing yogic philosophies into her instruction, so seamlessly, that you don’t even realize she’s doing it.  She mentioned that it’s just a matter of tricking your mind into thinking what’s impossible is absolutely possible.  

So as soon as I got out of class, I started thinking a little bit more about this.  Yes, we’ve all heard “mind over matter”, but how many people really explore this to its fullest potential?  We’ve hear about The Little Engine That Could, the Ant That Moved the Rubber Tree Plant, Tinkerbell coming back to life just because people believed she would.  (Notice that all of those examples are geared towards children?)  We are taught, when we are children, that we can do anything as long as we put our minds to it.  Perhaps it’s the harsh realities of obstacles and struggle that beat down our ego as we get older, that make us less apt to try something that seems impossible.   I have a scar on my leg from when I attempted to do a jump (just like Kristi Yamaguchi!) on ice skates – when I had only ever skated once in my life.  I wasn’t afraid to try, to fall.  We need to take a cue from kids – they’re absolutely fearless. 

I did my normal Camel Pose tonight, and raised an eyebrow when Rhiannon demonstrated what she wanted us to do.  I think I still lack faith in myself as a yogi, as some of the things she has us do in class scare the crap out of me.  But this time, driven by the exhaustion of a week filled with – well, yuckiness, for lack of a better word – I reached back with both arms and trusted my strength.

BAM.  Hands down, planted firmly in the beginning of a big backbend, I rolled back onto my feet and  into Wheel.  And held it there for so many breaths, I kind of lost count.  As I slowly lowered myself onto my back, I was smiling.  I wanted to laugh.  This was the most major accomplishment of my week, and dammit, I was joyful.

Taking that attitude with me off the mat is challenging.  I know I have another long and arduous work day tomorrow.  But this evening, I conquered the little voice that said “I can’t” – and it felt great!  And to be honest, it helped to re-ignite the flame of “badassness” inside me.  I may not feel completely invincible, but I feel powerful.  Like I can do anything, as long as I put my mind to it.  You know?

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on the days where i just don’t wanna…

March 16, 2010 at 9:40 pm (meditation, practice, struggle, yoga)

 

Calgon, take me away!

 

Dear Blogosphere,

It has been an excruciatingly draining day.

To be completely honest, it’s been an excruciatingly painful two and a half months (work and relationship-related stress, woohoo!) but I’m coping, with a healthy dose of yoga and social time with good friends.  But though I am striving to promote well-being, health, and a balanced lifestyle through this blog, there are days when, well…I just don’t wanna.  

I’m having one of those days.  The kind where you want to throw your hands up, say ‘screw it’, and hide in a hole.  I even skipped my favorite yoga class (something I’ve only skipped because of injury or because I was out of town) in favor of an hour long phone conversation with a friend in another city.  I want to be diving headfirst into a deep dish pizza, indulging in three hours of mind-numbing television, curled up in the fetal position on the sofa, and even (dare I admit this) succumbing to smoking (a vice that I’ve struggled to quit for the past few years).    Oh, how easy it would be to become slovenly and fat and self-indulgent.  Pass me the Girl Scout Cookies.

So on days (or even weeks) when I’m feeling psychotic terribly under-motivated and overwhelmed, I have to really dig deep to get myself back on track.  I need a cleanse.  Not just the dietary kind…the mental kind too.  Time for some yoga of the mind – little pre-bedtime meditation.

Meditation is something that I struggle with.  The two minutes that we sit in silence at the beginning of yoga class are hard for me, because I can sense when people are moving around me (and I crack my eyelids open just a bit to see).  When I finally manage to close my eyes, I have to try really hard to still my mind.  I multi-task without even thinking about it.  So much has been happening in my life lately, on a personal and professional level, that the thoughts, meetings, plans…all seem to blend together in a crazy swirl.  (That may explain the vivid, graphic, nonsensical and intense dreams I’ve been having the past few nights.)  I’m hoping that the twenty minutes of meditation that I am planning on having before bed are going to work.

I wonder how many of us let our minds rest often enough?  It’s hard, given the fast pace of so many young professionals these days.  We work hard, do things like volunteer, try to keep up with current events, find time to exercise, pack our social schedules, and have to also find the time and energy to maintain our homes (hello, housekeeping chores & laundry!).  Sometimes I feel so, “Oh woe is me” about it all – and then feel guilty about having that attitude.  See?  I can’t even just harbor one emotion at a time! 

I could very easily continue along this path of stress and self-pity, but tomorrow promises to be different – or at least, that’s the promise I’m making to myself tonight.  That’s the thing about life…you get to start all over again every day.  So even when today was jam-packed with regretful dietary choices, aggravation, and hiding under the comforter instead of 90-minutes of vinyasas…tomorrow is an opportunity for second chances, hope, clarity, and restarting my journey down the path to the person I want to be.  

But it probably won’t hurt to have a spare box of Thin Mints around just in case of emergency.

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love to love to love ya.

March 9, 2010 at 9:52 am (body image, life, meditation, practice, struggle, yoga)

“Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within.” – Eckhart Tolle

I attended a mini-workshop, led by Venus In Balance’s Karen Elizaga, who opened with this quote, which has stuck with me over the past month.  Being someone who was categorized as an ENFJ Myers-Briggs Personality, it’s been pointed out to me that as an “extrovert” (contrary to being perceived as naturally gregarious) it means you gather your energy from that which surrounds you.  THAT IS SO ME.  I am very much affected by the things that go on around me, and I am also a pleasure-seeker, actively finding ways to keep my spirits lifted and my mind stimulated.  It’s always great to find things that interest you and make you happy, right?  But how do I feel when I don’t have that external stimuli?

My personal answer is: depends on the day.  Some days, I’m on top of the world, and some days, I feel like crawling in a hole.

While reading the book Bergdorf Blondes (by Plum Sykes), I laughed out loud when the narrator described what she calls “The Fargos”.  The feeling that no matter how fabulous one looked, when you looked in the mirror, you see someone who looks like they are straight out of a movie like Fargo.  I totally understood that feeling.  We are our own worst critics sometimes.  What is it that makes one have such a distorted image of themselves?

Granted, it’s going to take more than a day to change your mindset about yourself.  I know I struggle with this all the time.  Karen hit the nail on the head, when she said finding your own internal spring of joy starts with “self-love”.  When we love someone, we treat that person with kindness, understanding, sympathy, forgiveness, and the ability to risk anything to make that person happy.  What I don’t understand is why it is so difficult to extend the same kindness to ourselves.  How often do you tell yourself just how awesome you are?  Do you realize your own greatness?  When you look in the mirror, do you see someone you are proud of and that you would go to the ends of the earth for?

Go on and give yourself a hug today.  Starting with that small gesture is a baby step to unleashing the overwhelming amount of love and happiness you are capable of not only receiving, but giving, to yourself and everyone else in your journey.

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the powers that be.

February 18, 2010 at 3:45 pm (life, meditation, practice)

photo courtesy of Lel4nd via Flickr

I think I’ve spent a good deal of time waiting for a “turning point” in my life, one that will take me right into being the person I’ve always wanted to be.  That’s not to discount the many epiphanies I’ve experienced so far, but I’ve hoped for some miraculous “Eureka!” moment where it all falls together.  Realistically, I know that waiting for a huge life shift to occur isn’t going to happen – and have finally come to believe that the best way to predict your future is to create it.

I’m reading a book right now that brought up this really interesting point of the “Be-Do-Have” principle.  It essentially states that in order to have the things we want to have, you have to be the person you want to be and do what that person would do.

A lot of people fall into the trap of going about it in the “Have-Do-Be” fashion.  This is “having” the material things (the fancy car of a financially successful person) or physical appearance of the person they wish to be, without any of the action or the “being” (a financially successful person).   This approach usually doesn’t work – you merely end up looking the part (even with every intention to “be.  It’s completely image-driven, and is fostered by a consumer-oriented society (hello, advertising!).

“Having” is easy.  “Doing” and “Being” is the hard part.

It all begins with your thoughts.  It sounds so cliché, but it’s true – if you can see it, you can be it!  Your thoughts are so powerful, they can either help or hinder you.  If you believe you can do something, you absolutely can.  Conversely, if you believe you can’t do something, you affirm it in your action.  The “doing” is the action based on your beliefs about yourself.  “Being” is the acting in a way that resonates with our future self (or person we’d like to be).  We have to behave as if we’ve already achieved the goal of our future self.  For instance – if I want to be a super confident, happy, healthy person, I need to wave away negative thoughts with a flick of my wrist,  and get my booty to the gym!  It’s what Future OmGirlSF would do!  Do you follow?

You are always faced with the question – am I being the person I said I’m being?  When I state my goals, do my actions move me toward our goal or away from it?

The thing with “Be-Do-Have” is that it starts from within.  You absorb and internalize the core principles of who you want to be (whether it be a non-smoker, a skinny person, a billionaire, a marathon runner, or whatever your imagination decides).  You learn and integrate thought with action, and eventually, it becomes a part of you and BAM – look at you, you’re exactly who you wanted to be.

It’s definitely not easy, and the changes usually won’t be immediate.  But it is possibly the most successful route one could take when trying to change their lives.  Embrace the power of Be-Do-Have and create the life you are searching for!  Take the first step and just BE.

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an OmGirl aloha.

February 8, 2010 at 1:53 am (meditation, practice, travel, yoga)

Shark's Cove, North Shore, O'ahu

Aloha, everyone!

I have finally made it to my long awaited (and much needed) vacation here in sunny Honolulu, Hawaii – not a bad place to call my hometown.  Upon landing, I felt myself exhale a huge portion of stress and tension right out of my body.  Sometimes all it takes is a change of location to start the process of recharging and resetting!

Thought I traveled primarily to visit my family, I did want to squeeze a little bit of yoga into my schedule, so I’ve purchased a ticket for a class at Yoga Hawaii.  It seems I’ve arrived at a time where many of the Vinyasa classes are “suspended”, so I may be forced to try something new and unexpected (!).  My motto for my vacation is to just go with life as it unrolls, and I really haven’t planned much of anything, save for a brunch here and there, and attending a Club Charm mini-workshop on Tuesday evening.  Stay tuned for more notes from The Rock – and a review of Yoga Hawaii to come soon!

~OmGirl SF

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cleansing ritual.

January 25, 2010 at 3:22 pm (meditation, practice, struggle)

photo by StePagna via Flickr

My beloved mother is a pack rat.  She loves to save things – cards, paperwork, pretty boxes, fabric, my elementary school reports, clothes, bags, you name it.  I’m definitely her daughter, as I tend to keep things like outdated magazines, interesting containers, letters, clothes that don’t fit anymore, and the like.  My studio apartment is full of things I’ve amassed during the six and a half years I’ve lived there, and it was beginning to drive me crazy.  My walk-in closet is enormous – I have a dresser and two drawer chests in there, plus a laundry hamper, bookshelf, all my shoes and bags, and all my makeup and jewelry.  It’s crammed to the brim with stuff, and it’s a wonder that I can still walk into my walk-in.  On top of that, I had a box of paperwork that needed sorting, my DVDs and CDs that needed a home, and a bunch of random things laying around my kitchen and living room that were cluttering up my space.

Or, should I say, cluttering up my life?

I’ve heard that the state of your living space is a direct reflection of your state of mind, and if that’s true, then mine was an organized mess.  I got down and dirty with my clutter – shredding old documents, cleaning out cabinets, weeding out clothes/shoes/bags/other random things to donate to Goodwill.  What I’d discovered, in the process of mucking out the excesses, is that I had an unexplainable (and somewhat unhealthy) attachment to these things that I needed to break.  I was holding onto things that didn’t serve a purpose in my life – both physically and metaphorically.  It got me to thinking about the other things in my life that are weighing me down.  Why did I feel the need to keep things that were no longer useful or valuable to me?  Out of obligation?  Out of the need to feel the security of having things?  As I tossed out some costume jewelry that someone had given me as a gift, I felt a twinge of guilt  - but then chose to turn that thought into, “Hey, someone else might like this way more than I do.”

When it was all said and done, my tables were cleared, my closet was downsized, and I had a trunk full of things to bring for donation.  I have made it my goal to cultivate things in my life that ultimately serve a purpose, be it material belongings, activities, relationships.  It’s liberating to free yourself of stuff that you don’t truly love, or at least intensely like.  Ultimately, cleaning out the unnecessary can make space for new and wonderful things to flow into, and create room for beautiful things to grow and unfold.

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